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3 "Non-Angry" Statements When Someone Dismisses Your Feelings.

The rolling eyes, sighing on my requests. Playing on their phones. Avoiding. Storming off the room. 

I have had enough of people to dismiss, neglect, and minimize how I feel. When all I needed was someone to tell me that I'm not going crazy! That my thoughts matter for real. 

"You shouldn't be angry"
"It wasn't that bad"
"You always make a big deal out of it"

How painful is that, to hear if from someone you need the most. I have made a complete fool of myself until I figured simple three ways to respond. 

1. "I'm not asking you to evaluate whether my feelings are valid."

You may always need someone in relationship to understand you. However it's too easy for a partner to get off the topic and judge how acceptable your emotions are. But in those moments, you only need them to offer you some kind of validation. When that doesn't happen, it may throw you off guard. Especially if you're a highly sensitive person like me. 

When your feelings are minimized, it is natural to feel defensive or angry. While makes sense, it is not a helpful tactic to blow off. 

In order to save yourself some energy, it's a smart move, to point out what the person is doing. This will not only make them aware of his subconscious attempt, but also shift the focus from you to them. It saves you from appearing weak indeed. 

Now they are left with no choice but to do something about their action. As they can't continue evalate your feelings. 

2. Your comments imply that I shouldn't be feeling "X"

Now, when you attempt the first point mentioned above, they may defend themselves.This is an argument strategy that helps them avoid taking responsibility. 

To make this happen, they will debate and comment on why they think your feelings are invalid. From outside it may appear as if they are having a productive conversation with you. But it will drag you into the invalidation hole. 

"Honey, I'm sure it wasn't that bad!"
"It could be worse"
"Don't be sad"

Again, it's necessary to know that their attempts are solely to evoke a response from you (perhaps not intentionally). In order to save yourself from the trap, continue pointing out their behavior as appear to your naked eye - "your comments sound as if I should not feel X" 

3. Although you don't feel the same way, I need you to acknowledge my emotions. 

Making a request will help them know what they are supposed to do instead. 

Lastly, If they continue to say "Sorry but it still don't make sense why you mad for no reason." Don't worry. It's normal. This doesn't mean the relationship or friendship isn't healthy. We often do it ourselves at time.

"It would be too easy to say that I feel invisible. Instead, I feel painfully visible, and entirely ignored."
David Levithan

Know that your feelings are for YOU. They indicate something to you and not to anyone else. Someone's invalidation won't make your feelings wrong. In times like these, remind yourself to slow down and notice how you feel. Value your own thoughts and spend time with people and things that will help you achieve the validation you need. 


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