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How To Stop Being Triggered By Everyday Triggers.


The idea is simple. You get triggered because you haven’t given yourself the pause that you need.

You haven’t allowed yourself to process the immediate emotion you have. By not doing so,  your brain goes into flight or fight response without having a chance to brainstorm concrete steps you can take to cope with that emotion.

So how do you exactly do it?

1. What are some of the moments on a typical day that overwhelm you.

Get yourself a pen and a paper.

 List down moments that trigger you to blame or shame others.

List down moments where you feel angry and frustrated.

List down moments that remind you that the situation is out of your control.

List down people that annoy you.

List down the incidents that keep repeating and overwhelm you.


2. Pause, Pause & Pause.

What does it mean?

It means is to give yourself a moment to be gentle with your feelings, which you won’t usually do otherwise. The pause allows you notice that the situation is getting intense and emotions are levelling high.

“What is it that I’m REALLY feeling in the moment?”

“Am I trying to suppress or deny your honest feelings?”

“What does my self-talk look like in this very moment?”

“What does taking a pause mean to me?”

“How would I prefer to process my negative emotion in such a triggered moment?”

 Discover your internal pause button.

The goal here in this second step is to get YOURSELF take a moment. That’s all.

For some people, taking a moment doesn’t come easy. However, to get started, asking yourself a few questions even before you are about to get triggered, helps your brain to adopt the pause when the time comes.


3. How do I really handle this feeling, NOT situation.

It’s not every day our partners can manage to validate our feelings.

It’s not every day that we can change people who hurt us.

It’s not every day that we get rid of events that make us lose ourselves

It’s not every day when we won’t feel those intense and painful emotions.


This does not mean you are to get over your heated emotions and actually DO something about the conflict at hand.

What I mean is – How to attend to your emotions the best way possible.

If you are feeling hurt because your partner didn’t comply with you, I can come up with a thousand things you may try out.

But that would be meaningless.

How about processing it this way - “I know I am hurt about this situation.” Therefore I’m going to spend some time with myself (choosing to do something to allow your hurt feelings to be processed) until I feel ready to discuss about it.

What else? Leave the room. Don’t utter a word until you’re ready. Move your position. Affirming self-talk. Adopting a self-soothing act.

 Taking action for your feelings and not the situation at hand, gives you the power and control you need; that fulfils the same goal as your triggered response would, when in conflict. 

How often then, should you take a step and help yourself validate first, attend to, feel heard is the core of coping with a triggering moment?

So let me ask you again, “What are you doing about/for your triggered feelings in a moment?”



About the Author

Sally is a psychotherapist and is insightful on mindful tools that’ll make our lives simpler. She also offers therapy online via email. For any thoughts, questions, inquiries- reach her out directly. She’ll be happy to hear from you.



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