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Jane, In Her Early 30s, Finds Herself Questioning Her Husband. Here’s What She Does

 Jane has her birthday today. She realizes that her husband didn't wish her this morning. Rather, he texts her at 11.45 am, while forgetting to get her presents or flowers. "I had to lie down because I began to question everything, " She added. 

mage Credits: Koh Sze Kiat / Getty Images

To discover that a partner’s misaligned actions can appear to be a form of betrayal, leaving the betrayed one to question their identity. As Joshua Coleman, a Psychologist based in San Francisco suggests, Jane could doubt her own judgement in people after noticing her husband’s actions. 

Jane’s Predictability in a Relationship 

He continues, “It is also about Predictability in the love and care that an individual receives.”

"I asked him about it and he answers that he hasn't had time for anything. I believe that's a lie because he had quiet enough spare time today." Jane adds as she feels sad and depressed, not knowing what to do. 

When Jane wasn't predictable about her partners actions, especially on the day when she was expecting care (gifts), it is likely that it could lead her anxious. 

As a consequence, “Her trust will entail into disbelief,” Joshua interprets. It is not surprising since “We all hold an agreement that the person who behaved a certain way, will continue to behave the same in the future.” However, discovering that such a belief isn't true, will prove her entire world view to be false. 

Seeking a Sense of Control

For Jane to reduce her sense of anxiety and rebuild trust towards her husband would require her to take responsibility and attain a sense of control. 

Joshua points out that, “Jane is not a hapless victim of her partner’s whims, neither she is of her own mistakes. She must try to seek a sense of control.”

It would be difficult for Jane to take her partners’ words at face value, especially after her trust being violated. Moreover, her feelings of anger and anxiety may make it difficult to read her husband correctly.

For Jane To Move Forward

“In such an instance, she must remember that there is nothing more important that her ability to trust her own perceptions. She has her right to gain a sense of control, even if it means that she infringes on usual relationship rules,” Joshua elaborates, “This could also mean going through her partner’s emails, phone records, or hiring a private investigator for until she feels that there’s consistency in her partner’s actions.”

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