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Showing posts with the label Anxiety

Jane, In Her Early 30s, Finds Herself Questioning Her Husband. Here’s What She Does

  Jane has her birthday today. She realizes that her husband didn't wish her this morning. Rather, he texts her at 11.45 am, while forgetting to get her presents or flowers. " I had to lie down because I began to question everything,   " She added.  mage Credits: Koh Sze Kiat / Getty Images To discover that a partner’s misaligned actions can appear to be a form of betrayal, leaving the betrayed one to question their identity. As Joshua Coleman, a   Psychologist based in San Francisco   suggests, Jane could doubt her own judgement in people after noticing her husband’s actions.  Jane’s Predictability in a Relationship   He continues, “It is also about Predictability in the love and care that an individual receives.” " I asked him about it and he answers that he hasn't had time for anything. I believe that's a lie because he had quiet enough spare time today. " Jane adds as she feels sad and depressed, not knowing what to do.  When Jane wasn't predicta

What To Do With Repetitive Thoughts In Your Head?

  You’re in a pub with your friends. Suddenly in the back of your head, you have a thought — “ They think I’m an idiot. They would probably reject me. ” In response, you try to distract yourself, focus on drinking and withdraw from those around you.  Illustration by Mamewmy Take another scenario where you have travelled across a town to visit a friend at 11am, but he doesn’t show up. To interpret the situation, you may say — “ He doesn’t like me .” Now you’re distressed and later that evening you experience difficulty in falling asleep. Williams in a  2018 report  stated that these repetitive thoughts occur because of   an existing  bias   against ourselves . In such a case, you overlook your strengths, downplay your achievements and focus on your weaknesses. He explains that, when you have thoughts like ‘ others don’t like me ’ - you are attempting to  evaluate how others see you . What they are thinking of you would be your core concern.  Similarly thoughts like ‘ Oh, i should have r

7 Things To Do When Being Unwanted - Triggers You.

You’ve been in a situation where you felt like you weren’t needed. You’ve been serving someone and you weren’t appreciated. You feel like your existence should matter, yet they don’t act like it. Anger, sadness, self-doubt, and unexplained behaviors such as confronting a person impulsively, would be your first emotional reactions to the person or situation that triggered your feelings of being “unwanted.” Your body will also respond to these instances. They would be signs that your nervous system is experiencing a perceived threat. The threat of feeling unwanted. You will feel an upset stomach, tightened chest, dizziness, and heavy breathing. Calmly Respond to your “threatened” nervous system. By “threatened” nervous system,  I mean to say that it must have switched to fight, flight, or freeze mode. Hence it would be crazy to put your rational mind to seek answers from it. Being triggered is a stress response to your nervous system. Any emotional reaction that you displa

You're Not Overthinking Over Someone's Confusing Behavior.

Someone's  approach and withdrawn  behavior will be confusing. Their lack of reciprocity and intention will be hurtful enough. You're not overthinking, you're just trying to make sense of the things that they constantly sweep under the rug.  You're not overthinking when someone's inconsistent actions confuse you . When you're unable to interpret their mixed messages. When you're struggling with making sense of their words that mismatch their behavior.  A connection is never ruined with the existence of your boundaries. In the long run, they are ruined when you allow the person to step your boundaries. When your internal resentment and anger become the only means to maintain a connection with someone. When you let your internal guilt decide how strong your boundaries should how strong should your boundaries be.  It is guilt-provoking when you attempt to set emotional boundaries . Because you haven't drawn out a conclusion to their inconsistent behavior an

The Anxiety That Comes In When You Don't Know What You're Looking For.

It is important that you learn to be happy for the things that others have but you don't. But it is also important that you learn to allow yourself to not have found what you were looking for.  In a world that constantly have you battling with yourself - self-doubt is an expected phenomenon. In a world that will always leave you questioning "what next" have you achieved and "where next" will you go. It is important that you allow the empty spaces to be the source to explore yourself. To explore the options you have and engage in rational decision-making. Rather than fearing those lack of answers.  The uncertainty that you are obsessing over, maybe the goal of it is not to find "what's next." Maybe the goal of your uncertainty is to learn ways to make peace with its existence. It is to have no answers and engage in seeking new pieces of information. It is to allow anxiety to let in without needing to escape from its gaps. It is to navigate through y

Even On Our Anxious Days, We Grow: A Perspective.

Those hard days are an ever learning and ever-adapting form of the ways that we choose to cope with. You may not have all the answers but that is what we one may say, as a learning phase.  To want to get rid of feelings of uncertainty, those moments of anxiety that no one talks about. It grows bad enough for you may end up frustrated.  The desire to see yourself as happy as others, without the presence of triggers around, remains a desire. For it may feel that something just stole years of your life.  Being stuck in ways and thoughts and constantly fighting for it, while others are passing by with marks of achievement is a terrifying feeling to exist in. These are your hard days where you battle between fight or flight modes of your nervous system. Either you avoid your feelings of abandonment, or exert your control, hard enough to attain it. But you don't need both. For there is still growing among those, without a language.  There is no language for the choices you still get. No

How To Connect With Your Feelings And Make Better Decisions?

Connecting with our feelings can be an overwhelming task to do. And so does when we have to disconnect with them. When there is a whole range of emotions that we attempt to decide and figure out the meaning of, only to seek clarity about a situation.  We often attempt to connect with our feelings. But it becomes a struggle when we do so by targeting the "intensity" of these feelings. "The greater the intensity, the more we must push ourselves to achieve clarity" - is when we lie to ourselves. When we fail to achieve clarity, we move towards disconnecting with those.  Moreover, you will know you are disconnecting from your feelings when you dismiss or minimize your reality. The more connected you are with the intensity of your feelings, the more dismissive you may find yourself. "I must not feel upset about it", "why did that happen to me. "  When instead connection looks more like caring for yourself, especially when you notice the intensity of y

The Idea Of Acceptance Is Vague. Here's Why.

 Acceptance is not when we decide to free ourselves from the pain that we hold inside. Not when letting go is the only option to seek the path to freedom and peace. Not when holding on is hurting you more until you can't bear it.  Acceptance does not mean seeking peace. Acceptance does not mean picking others' advice and deciding to no longer think about it. Neither does it mean to forget the person who we loved so dearly, just the next moment. Acceptance in itself may result in peace but however, does not mean shutting yourself off from those thoughts that were important to you once.  The idea of acceptance may lead you to empty gaps. These gaps may make you wanna seek other people, other situations, and different approaches that would be opposite to your very own healing. When your true intention might be to attain inner peace.  Acceptance, unlike what they say, requires you to sit and break those pieces of information, about a moment or person. Only then can you meet content

Finding Ways To Self-Soothe Might Be Good For Your Anxiety.

  “What’s that one simple thing that I keep for when I’m distressed or anxious?~ deep breaths! ” Choosing to down-regulate or reduce the intensity of your anxiety is a healthier approach to your daily lifestyle. Learning how to self-soothe is beneficial for coping with everyday anxiety. It is as important for adults as it is for children. By keeping a few self-soothe behaviours handy, helps you to cope in those tough moments. Whether it’s a bad day, or you are going through a difficult breakup. Whether your mind can’t stop thinking about those thousands of things that could go wrong the next day. Regulation of our emotions is like being able to attain personal balance. Below are a few ways to get you started: Ask yourself: What works for me? Your self soothe routine may prefer trying out tools that have a close relation with your thoughts. It may involve things like accepting discomforting emotions, shifting attention towards what’s helpful, replacing unhelpful thoughts , so o

Three Acceptance Tools to Cope with Anxiety.

Whether it’s a situation or a choice, we often get fixated on never-ending list of questions as an attempt to cope with the anxiety. It may look like we are in a deep thought process, with inner statements that look like  “ If only I think about it long enough, I’m sure I will find a way.”   “If I don’t think long enough, I may miss the answers that may occur suddenly”   “That’s not what I expected to happen.” “I can’t deal with the fact that I didn’t get that job.” “What have I done for my partner to leave me?” “How will I manage to live without this now?” “I can’t tolerate this at all.”   The purpose of Anxiety is control. Things that lead us fearful or uncertain about people, places or events in our life; is more likely you will want to control it. Because you are not ready to face those uncertain feelings. When this happens, you will find yourself – running away, fighting against, chasing after things that don’t appear to be modified or changed. Acceptance as a copin