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Showing posts with the label Mindfulness

What To Do With Repetitive Thoughts In Your Head?

  You’re in a pub with your friends. Suddenly in the back of your head, you have a thought — “ They think I’m an idiot. They would probably reject me. ” In response, you try to distract yourself, focus on drinking and withdraw from those around you.  Illustration by Mamewmy Take another scenario where you have travelled across a town to visit a friend at 11am, but he doesn’t show up. To interpret the situation, you may say — “ He doesn’t like me .” Now you’re distressed and later that evening you experience difficulty in falling asleep. Williams in a  2018 report  stated that these repetitive thoughts occur because of   an existing  bias   against ourselves . In such a case, you overlook your strengths, downplay your achievements and focus on your weaknesses. He explains that, when you have thoughts like ‘ others don’t like me ’ - you are attempting to  evaluate how others see you . What they are thinking of you would be your core concern.  Similarly thoughts like ‘ Oh, i should have r

7 Things To Do When Being Unwanted - Triggers You.

You’ve been in a situation where you felt like you weren’t needed. You’ve been serving someone and you weren’t appreciated. You feel like your existence should matter, yet they don’t act like it. Anger, sadness, self-doubt, and unexplained behaviors such as confronting a person impulsively, would be your first emotional reactions to the person or situation that triggered your feelings of being “unwanted.” Your body will also respond to these instances. They would be signs that your nervous system is experiencing a perceived threat. The threat of feeling unwanted. You will feel an upset stomach, tightened chest, dizziness, and heavy breathing. Calmly Respond to your “threatened” nervous system. By “threatened” nervous system,  I mean to say that it must have switched to fight, flight, or freeze mode. Hence it would be crazy to put your rational mind to seek answers from it. Being triggered is a stress response to your nervous system. Any emotional reaction that you displa

You Don't Have To Neglect Your Feelings To Overcome Your Bad Days.

Some things in life may get okay. While others may not. Sometimes you will fight your best and still lose. Days where you work hard and yet do not achieve enough. Days when you will wanna hold on, and yet struggle but let go.  There's a small room between the paradoxes that you may experience. Between wanting to change them and knowing what they are to you. Between caring for someone and knowing it's time you leave. Between striving for approval and knowing that you are enough.  The small room is your acceptance. The gap where you fill it will emotions of pain. Moments of sadness. And the whole roller coaster ride, of trying to make sense of things that won't.  But you will know, that asking for help, won't make you incompetent . That needing a break from kids, won't make you a bad parent. That setting boundaries for yourself won't stop you from keeping your heart open.  You will ensure that, while you want the end of suffering to come at this very moment, you

Finding Ways To Self-Soothe Might Be Good For Your Anxiety.

  “What’s that one simple thing that I keep for when I’m distressed or anxious?~ deep breaths! ” Choosing to down-regulate or reduce the intensity of your anxiety is a healthier approach to your daily lifestyle. Learning how to self-soothe is beneficial for coping with everyday anxiety. It is as important for adults as it is for children. By keeping a few self-soothe behaviours handy, helps you to cope in those tough moments. Whether it’s a bad day, or you are going through a difficult breakup. Whether your mind can’t stop thinking about those thousands of things that could go wrong the next day. Regulation of our emotions is like being able to attain personal balance. Below are a few ways to get you started: Ask yourself: What works for me? Your self soothe routine may prefer trying out tools that have a close relation with your thoughts. It may involve things like accepting discomforting emotions, shifting attention towards what’s helpful, replacing unhelpful thoughts , so o

Can’t Stop Fixing people? – Overcome People Pleasing This Way.

  A behavioral pattern that drive you seek someone’s approval you had much needed. Your survival have been depended on fixing people. Knowing that brings you greater frustration, confusion and anger – here’s a small guide that may provoke how you think. What script are you often playing in your head? – Sit quietly and really identify. “If I fix/save this person’s problems, he/she will ___________.” “If I express my thoughts, they may __________.” “I feel accepted and loved when they _________.”   Your attempts will help you identify these two themes. 1) Either you are seeking validation/support from the person. (e.g. If only I manage to prove my potential to my parents/boss). 2) Or you are trying to control, manage, attend to or change - how someone thinks about you. (e.g. If only I save this person, he/she will desire a romantic relationship with me). Example:        Agreeing to things you don’t like        Doing things for people to earn their approval         Alwa

How To Stop Being Triggered By Everyday Triggers.

  The idea is simple. You get triggered because you haven’t given yourself the pause that you need. You haven’t allowed yourself to process the immediate emotion you have. By not doing so,   your brain goes into flight or fight response without having a chance to brainstorm concrete steps you can take to cope with that emotion. So how do you exactly do it? 1. What are some of the moments on a typical day that overwhelm you. Get yourself a pen and a paper.   List down moments that trigger you to blame or shame others. List down moments where you feel angry and frustrated. List down moments that remind you that the situation is out of your control. List down people that annoy you. List down the incidents that keep repeating and overwhelm you.   2. Pause, Pause & Pause. What does it mean? It means is to give yourself a moment to be gentle with your feelings, which you won’t usually do otherwise. The pause allows you notice that the situation is ge

“I’m Being Too Sensitive”- 2 Tools to Eliminate Self-Gaslighting.

Even if I was wrong in that situation, is it fair to say that my feelings don’t deserve to be validated and attended to?   You almost self-gaslight yourself each time you minimize and suppress your thoughts and emotions regarding a particular situation. Statements that you keep repeating in your head may look like: “It’s not that bad” “Maybe am being too sensitive” “I don’t know what just happened, but let’s forget it.” “I’m too dramatic, gosh why can’t I behave different.” “What’s wrong with me” Anxiety, shame, doubt, depression and guilt are the expected emotions that you may experience. Two tools to break self-gaslighting and help you validate your very own emotions are: 1. Coping Statements that target self-validation. Brainstorm and keep a few statements handy for the next time you find yourself self-gaslighting your feelings. Practice these statements a few times so that when you really need them, they’ll be available to you without an extra mental