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Showing posts with the label Relationships

Jane, In Her Early 30s, Finds Herself Questioning Her Husband. Here’s What She Does

  Jane has her birthday today. She realizes that her husband didn't wish her this morning. Rather, he texts her at 11.45 am, while forgetting to get her presents or flowers. " I had to lie down because I began to question everything,   " She added.  mage Credits: Koh Sze Kiat / Getty Images To discover that a partner’s misaligned actions can appear to be a form of betrayal, leaving the betrayed one to question their identity. As Joshua Coleman, a   Psychologist based in San Francisco   suggests, Jane could doubt her own judgement in people after noticing her husband’s actions.  Jane’s Predictability in a Relationship   He continues, “It is also about Predictability in the love and care that an individual receives.” " I asked him about it and he answers that he hasn't had time for anything. I believe that's a lie because he had quiet enough spare time today. " Jane adds as she feels sad and depressed, not knowing what to do.  When Jane wasn't predicta

You're Not Overthinking Over Someone's Confusing Behavior.

Someone's  approach and withdrawn  behavior will be confusing. Their lack of reciprocity and intention will be hurtful enough. You're not overthinking, you're just trying to make sense of the things that they constantly sweep under the rug.  You're not overthinking when someone's inconsistent actions confuse you . When you're unable to interpret their mixed messages. When you're struggling with making sense of their words that mismatch their behavior.  A connection is never ruined with the existence of your boundaries. In the long run, they are ruined when you allow the person to step your boundaries. When your internal resentment and anger become the only means to maintain a connection with someone. When you let your internal guilt decide how strong your boundaries should how strong should your boundaries be.  It is guilt-provoking when you attempt to set emotional boundaries . Because you haven't drawn out a conclusion to their inconsistent behavior an

What Does It Really Mean To Hold Regard For Someone?

  To really hold regard for someone, might mean to re-consider our expectations towards the "shoulds" in that relationship.  It is when you need the time to sit alone and process the hard times all by yourselves, but you also ensure the person’s happiness over you. It is when you know you don’t have much to offer, and yet hold the consideration that maybe one day you will. With the right time and the next moment. When discussing together those hard, difficult, and uncomfortable emotions seems much easier than suppressing them and fearing them. When you know that you will be offered the safe space that you didn’t even know you needed, for your emotions to flow naturally. Without your conscious mind having to control it. It is that feeling where you sacrifice your needs to not seek their approval, but rather to show yours to them. It is when you lack the courage to apologize or take responsibility for your actions, but couldn’t bear the idea of seeing them hurt. There are not m

How To Have Hard Conversations

  To be able to present our truth in an assertive, kind can be much more empowering than telling ourselves “But I don’t want to hurt them.” Conversations can grow hard when we desire to convey a message or a piece of truth to someone. We play a little scenario in our heads where the moment might sooner go down the hill, heating the moment and ruining our relationship with the person. Hard conversations and Lashing out. Anger and fear are those hard emotions that emerge with the thought of conveying our truth to someone. It is not an unusual thing if you are often suppressing in, avoiding the point, and even lashing out around people. We are functional human beings wired for our survival, within social situations. The strategies that we use and the emotions that draw us are helpful to our protection. To be able to effectively regulate those emotions will require us the time and mental space to obtain a sense of “safety.” To be able to divide the accumulated emotions and information

Can’t Stop Fixing people? – Overcome People Pleasing This Way.

  A behavioral pattern that drive you seek someone’s approval you had much needed. Your survival have been depended on fixing people. Knowing that brings you greater frustration, confusion and anger – here’s a small guide that may provoke how you think. What script are you often playing in your head? – Sit quietly and really identify. “If I fix/save this person’s problems, he/she will ___________.” “If I express my thoughts, they may __________.” “I feel accepted and loved when they _________.”   Your attempts will help you identify these two themes. 1) Either you are seeking validation/support from the person. (e.g. If only I manage to prove my potential to my parents/boss). 2) Or you are trying to control, manage, attend to or change - how someone thinks about you. (e.g. If only I save this person, he/she will desire a romantic relationship with me). Example:        Agreeing to things you don’t like        Doing things for people to earn their approval         Alwa

“I’m Being Too Sensitive”- 2 Tools to Eliminate Self-Gaslighting.

Even if I was wrong in that situation, is it fair to say that my feelings don’t deserve to be validated and attended to?   You almost self-gaslight yourself each time you minimize and suppress your thoughts and emotions regarding a particular situation. Statements that you keep repeating in your head may look like: “It’s not that bad” “Maybe am being too sensitive” “I don’t know what just happened, but let’s forget it.” “I’m too dramatic, gosh why can’t I behave different.” “What’s wrong with me” Anxiety, shame, doubt, depression and guilt are the expected emotions that you may experience. Two tools to break self-gaslighting and help you validate your very own emotions are: 1. Coping Statements that target self-validation. Brainstorm and keep a few statements handy for the next time you find yourself self-gaslighting your feelings. Practice these statements a few times so that when you really need them, they’ll be available to you without an extra mental

3 "Non-Angry" Statements When Someone Dismisses Your Feelings.

The rolling eyes, sighing on my requests. Playing on their phones. Avoiding. Storming off the room.  I have had enough of people to dismiss, neglect, and minimize how I feel. When all I needed was someone to tell me that I'm not going crazy! That my thoughts matter for real.  "You shouldn't be angry" "It wasn't that bad" "You always make a big deal out of it" How painful is that, to hear if from someone you need the most. I have made a complete fool of myself until I figured simple three ways to respond.  1. "I'm not asking you to evaluate whether my feelings are valid." You may always need someone in relationship to understand you. However it's too easy for a partner to get off the topic and judge how acceptable your emotions are. But in those moments, you only need them to offer you some kind of validation. When that doesn't happen, it may throw you off guard. Especially if you're a highly sensitive perso

"To Heal Each Other's Wounds"- The Real Meaning of Intimacy that'll Surprise You.

I didn't come to realize my own beauty, until it was reflected back to me. Like a mirror. Coming from another loving, caring human being.  True intimacy is human constant. I believe. To heal each other's wounds; and repair the broken skin.  Intimacy is when they'll answer your phone- "Hey you." When they stop and wait for you as tie you shoe lace. Intimacy is when they identify your voice is thick with worry. The comfort that you sense as you share your honest thoughts with them. Without the fear of being judged. Even if your thoughts makes no sense.  To sing badly with you in a car. To recognize your handwriting instantly. When they're trying to make plans and say "oh no, I know you're busy that day." When they're there for you watching you cry. Being able to portray your deepest darkest secrets, fears, disappointments and frustrations. And yet feeling seen and understood, in a way you just couldn't describe.  The intimacy of