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Showing posts with the label Self care tips

Can’t Stop Fixing people? – Overcome People Pleasing This Way.

  A behavioral pattern that drive you seek someone’s approval you had much needed. Your survival have been depended on fixing people. Knowing that brings you greater frustration, confusion and anger – here’s a small guide that may provoke how you think. What script are you often playing in your head? – Sit quietly and really identify. “If I fix/save this person’s problems, he/she will ___________.” “If I express my thoughts, they may __________.” “I feel accepted and loved when they _________.”   Your attempts will help you identify these two themes. 1) Either you are seeking validation/support from the person. (e.g. If only I manage to prove my potential to my parents/boss). 2) Or you are trying to control, manage, attend to or change - how someone thinks about you. (e.g. If only I save this person, he/she will desire a romantic relationship with me). Example:        Agreeing to things you don’t like        Doing things for people to earn their approval         Alwa

How To Stop Being Triggered By Everyday Triggers.

  The idea is simple. You get triggered because you haven’t given yourself the pause that you need. You haven’t allowed yourself to process the immediate emotion you have. By not doing so,   your brain goes into flight or fight response without having a chance to brainstorm concrete steps you can take to cope with that emotion. So how do you exactly do it? 1. What are some of the moments on a typical day that overwhelm you. Get yourself a pen and a paper.   List down moments that trigger you to blame or shame others. List down moments where you feel angry and frustrated. List down moments that remind you that the situation is out of your control. List down people that annoy you. List down the incidents that keep repeating and overwhelm you.   2. Pause, Pause & Pause. What does it mean? It means is to give yourself a moment to be gentle with your feelings, which you won’t usually do otherwise. The pause allows you notice that the situation is ge

“I’m Being Too Sensitive”- 2 Tools to Eliminate Self-Gaslighting.

Even if I was wrong in that situation, is it fair to say that my feelings don’t deserve to be validated and attended to?   You almost self-gaslight yourself each time you minimize and suppress your thoughts and emotions regarding a particular situation. Statements that you keep repeating in your head may look like: “It’s not that bad” “Maybe am being too sensitive” “I don’t know what just happened, but let’s forget it.” “I’m too dramatic, gosh why can’t I behave different.” “What’s wrong with me” Anxiety, shame, doubt, depression and guilt are the expected emotions that you may experience. Two tools to break self-gaslighting and help you validate your very own emotions are: 1. Coping Statements that target self-validation. Brainstorm and keep a few statements handy for the next time you find yourself self-gaslighting your feelings. Practice these statements a few times so that when you really need them, they’ll be available to you without an extra mental

The "Shoulds" Of Being A "Bigger Person" That You Must Let Go.

  What if being a bigger person meant that you acknowledge how you really feel? Being hurt by a partner’s words. Misled by someone else’s wrong doings. Felt angry, but didn’t want to appear crazy. Whether in a relationship with your partner or interacting with a younger sibling, how often in one day a voice inside you tells you- “but you should be the bigger person” no matter what.   1. I Should Be ‘Excusing’ their offense towards Me. By excusing their offense, you are minimizing your honest feelings about their actions. You give yourself an opportunity to deny your own feelings and needs in that particular situation. Neither could you then sit and actually process the true emotions that will help you process and move on. Something that doesn’t allow you to take a pause and ask yourself, "okay this is how I feel. Let's see what can I do about it now." What if being a bigger person meant that you acknowledge how you really feel? By doing so, you a

3 Self Care Rituals to Try Out This Week.

It will frighten you. Letting go of the need to seek someone, in your own journey. To eliminate your thirst for validation. To abandon the fear of tomorrow. Be on your own side. A wise move.  I have pretended long enough. That i couldn't carry it any longer. For I have gathered up the courage to be myself.    Choosing to believe in my own thoughts. To let my feelings direct the course of my action is the wisest I can become.  It will frighten you. Letting go of the need to seek someone, in your own journey. To eliminate your thirst for validation. To abandon the fear of tomorrow. Standing up for your own. And yet, seeing yourself as an independent adult who can stand up for your choices, will let you to accept yourself as you are.  The things that torment us thrive on our hushed fears and insecurities and they are made powerless by a resilient voice; An inner voice that says...“No More!” ~ Jason Versey"  Recognize the negative patterns and limiting beliefs that hav