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What To Do With Repetitive Thoughts In Your Head?

  You’re in a pub with your friends. Suddenly in the back of your head, you have a thought — “ They think I’m an idiot. They would probably reject me. ” In response, you try to distract yourself, focus on drinking and withdraw from those around you.  Illustration by Mamewmy Take another scenario where you have travelled across a town to visit a friend at 11am, but he doesn’t show up. To interpret the situation, you may say — “ He doesn’t like me .” Now you’re distressed and later that evening you experience difficulty in falling asleep. Williams in a  2018 report  stated that these repetitive thoughts occur because of   an existing  bias   against ourselves . In such a case, you overlook your strengths, downplay your achievements and focus on your weaknesses. He explains that, when you have thoughts like ‘ others don’t like me ’ - you are attempting to  evaluate how others see you . What they are thinking of you would be your core concern.  Similarly thoughts like ‘ Oh, i should have r

Are We Jumping To Conclusions Too Soon During An Argument?

  Wife initiates: “ I’d prefer a cat over a dog . ” Husband responds: “ But why do you hate dogs? ” “ I know what you mean! ” — Wife feels personally attacked and assumes that her husband believes his conclusion to be true; the argument escalates.  Image by Abdul on Unsplash In the above scenario, both of their conclusion behind the argument has been inaccurate. Suzanne Jolley in a Psychiatry Research investigated that such false conclusions are often decisions made based on limited data available.  Similarly, an instance presented by Patrick Freyne pointed out that today there are more number of people arguing online, which is not only unproductive, but also grown bitter. In response, a cyberpsychology expert explains that the rise of argumentativeness could be associated with the lack of visual or auditory cues which are otherwise available in face to face discussion. Lack of information such as being unable to see another person’s frown or angry voice, prevents the arguer in maki

How to approach difficult conversations at workplace?

“What are my alternatives to the conversation?” What are my counterpart’s alternatives to the conversation? Image by Master1305 on Freepik A report drawn by Hayes (2008) found that approx. 85% of US employees experience conflicts at the workplace. They spent 2.8 hours weekly figuring out ways to resolve the conflict. 25% of employees addressed conflicts through avoidance. These resulted in either personal attacks or absence from work. Based on an argument placed by  Forbes , difficult conversations are served by engaging in negative emotions. Employees will use tactics such as deceit, manipulation, blame shifting, or gaslighting when they are unable to deal with the conversation. Any conversation that is responded to with avoidance, eye-rolling, or ignorance, will often turn to internal resentment. Myatt (2012) in a report addresses that, an individual who is effective in managing difficult conversations, will not buy into others’ acts of manipulative or self-serving behavior. Such an

7 Things To Do When Being Unwanted - Triggers You.

You’ve been in a situation where you felt like you weren’t needed. You’ve been serving someone and you weren’t appreciated. You feel like your existence should matter, yet they don’t act like it. Anger, sadness, self-doubt, and unexplained behaviors such as confronting a person impulsively, would be your first emotional reactions to the person or situation that triggered your feelings of being “unwanted.” Your body will also respond to these instances. They would be signs that your nervous system is experiencing a perceived threat. The threat of feeling unwanted. You will feel an upset stomach, tightened chest, dizziness, and heavy breathing. Calmly Respond to your “threatened” nervous system. By “threatened” nervous system,  I mean to say that it must have switched to fight, flight, or freeze mode. Hence it would be crazy to put your rational mind to seek answers from it. Being triggered is a stress response to your nervous system. Any emotional reaction that you displa

You're Not Overthinking Over Someone's Confusing Behavior.

Someone's  approach and withdrawn  behavior will be confusing. Their lack of reciprocity and intention will be hurtful enough. You're not overthinking, you're just trying to make sense of the things that they constantly sweep under the rug.  You're not overthinking when someone's inconsistent actions confuse you . When you're unable to interpret their mixed messages. When you're struggling with making sense of their words that mismatch their behavior.  A connection is never ruined with the existence of your boundaries. In the long run, they are ruined when you allow the person to step your boundaries. When your internal resentment and anger become the only means to maintain a connection with someone. When you let your internal guilt decide how strong your boundaries should how strong should your boundaries be.  It is guilt-provoking when you attempt to set emotional boundaries . Because you haven't drawn out a conclusion to their inconsistent behavior an

You Don't Have To Neglect Your Feelings To Overcome Your Bad Days.

Some things in life may get okay. While others may not. Sometimes you will fight your best and still lose. Days where you work hard and yet do not achieve enough. Days when you will wanna hold on, and yet struggle but let go.  There's a small room between the paradoxes that you may experience. Between wanting to change them and knowing what they are to you. Between caring for someone and knowing it's time you leave. Between striving for approval and knowing that you are enough.  The small room is your acceptance. The gap where you fill it will emotions of pain. Moments of sadness. And the whole roller coaster ride, of trying to make sense of things that won't.  But you will know, that asking for help, won't make you incompetent . That needing a break from kids, won't make you a bad parent. That setting boundaries for yourself won't stop you from keeping your heart open.  You will ensure that, while you want the end of suffering to come at this very moment, you